Shades Of Grey
I was thrashing around in the middle of my life, living it normal, living it fullest. But don’t know the road I am walking on was going to take a map-less turn.
4 JANUARY 2014, the day of honest lie. The day when I was diagnosed with blood cancer… 3rd stage cancer… No one is prepared to hear those deadly words “YOU HAVE CANCER” and I was not too…
Finally after tossing restlessly from side to side, I woke up and tried opening my eyes but one of them refuse to open because of the pain and swelling. Within a second my whole life crossed my mind, a simply thought of me dying was scary, how my family going to react on this news was haunting me, what will be the next step of the doctor, how much time i am left with, was the treatment be painful, was I will be the same as I was few hours ago… O god my mind just suffered a volcano eruption of thoughts.
That day I realised life is unpredictable, it will never go according to our own plans, it have its own cycinical plans.
That very moment I have two options either to stay strong and fight over it or cry and give-up. But me being me “life-lover” decided to fight with the cruel cancer till the end because my mom always says “human being have a great tendency to fight for things and make things work” , hereby i made this line my life-lesson.
I know once on my own,I might not survive, But there is a chance for me to be alive. I will be positive’I will be courageous, And I will fight the insight… Its not like I was not broken or smashed but I had no other choice but to stand.
Next day morning whenIi visited the doctor I was scared, horrified and nervous but I was confident that I have a strong back of my family. 5 JANUARY 2014 the journey of the beautiful experience started. Two painful chemo sessions in a month, with every session body started giving up, body became week, not able to walk, not able to digest anything not even a glass a water, whenever I have something I vomit, hairfall started, eyesight blur, what all not… It is torcherously painful sometimes that it felt like its better to die then to suffer this holy-shit… there was I time when I shout out of pain and cry whole night. Even for once I tried committing suicide but not succeeded in it, and they I understood his game of god, he wants me to teach the value of life, life which is a precious gift and it is to be cherished not just to be lived which I was doing earlier… he wants me to fight for life and win the battle… at that moment I gathered myself and ran towards life…
It took nearly 2 years to be stable again but I managed to make it… and I managed it brilliantly… today I am leaving my life like a normal person. I am in last year of my graduation, leaving life on my own terms.
Whenever I look back I do not regret and curse my life in fact I feel thankful for giving me life time experience… this experience has made me what I am today… I am strong enough to handle any disaster in life with a smile on my face, today I don’t know what its mean to give up, according to me those who are coward gives up on situations, winners always fight from it.
Trust me people the happiness u fill when u win your fight is priceless, this feeling can not be explained it can only be experiences… to all those who are reading this, you are doing really good in life, may today is not your day but tomorrow definitely will be yours, always remember to fight for life and trust me its worth fighting for… there is no power in the universe who can defeat you if you want to win and work for it… no matter what happen in life never give up.
“Sometimes I sit and think about everything I have been through, it moves me to tears’ I AM ALIVE and better for it, I wish I never would have had go through it, but atlest its wasn’t for nothing.
“Giving up was easy, holding to it was hard but history is only created by the one who rock the cart…”